How Rayleigh and Crew got Drunk
by Jennifer Wilson
Summary: ...and crashed Ace's execution. A mixture of crack, humour and heartwarming fluff all-around. Ghosts, ships landing onto the platform and medical wizardry applies. OC, but her importance is only to the crack. Anyway, AceLu brotherly bonding, wish fulfillment and canon divergence applies.
1. Chapter 1

A few days after the execution of Portgas D. Ace, Smoker found himself escorting an instructor from G9.

"Ah, so you're Captain Smokey, right~" She drew out the last word, fingering a lock of hair.

Smoker was hit with an intense sense of déjà vu. _No way. There is no way that Luffy could have a female counterpart in the Marines._

The woman clad in a purple yukata begged to differ. She was scratching her nose absent-mindedly while looking around.

"Ehhh... it really changed a lot since I last visited them here. Where are they?" She said in a curious voice as she continued to walk around him in her _geta_.

"Captain Smoker, I would like to- Ah!" Coby scooped up the pint-sized woman. "Vice-admiral Garp and Fleet admiral Sengoku are waiting for you in the main office."

"Kishishishi! They moved! I'm going to look for them!" With one arm, she heaved herself out of the window, and disappeared from sight.

"Wait!" Coby and Smoker looked out to find the woman _running up the side of the building in a dead sprint_.

"Garp-chan! Sengoku-teme!" She called out as she went through the window into the Fleet Admiral's rooms. A moment later, she sped out, with an Afro and a head of grey hair on the back of her shoulders.

"Gah! Put us down! Instructor Suzume!"

"No chance! Sakesakesakesake~" The woman answered back as she continued to use a combination of _Soru_ and _Geppo_ to dance upon the rooftops at high speed.

"Oh dear, I was hoping we could avoid that."

"Sir! Should we engage-" Bogard shook his head.

"No need for that, she is after all Garp's ex-wife." This pronouncement led to a stunned silence.

"Sorry, Vice-admiral Garp's _ex-wife_?" Smoker was the first to pick his jaw off the ground. "So does that mean she's Monkey D. Luffy's _grandmother_!"

"Yup. A retired spy for the Marines, she has been teaching at G9 for twenty-seven years, but in lieu of the resignation of the Vice Admiral, she intends to go on twenty-seven years' worth of vacation with him."

"A _spy_! That's so cool! Who did she spy on?" Helmeppo wondered.

"Gol. D. Roger." There was another awkward silence.

 _"What!"_

* * *

"No shit." Suzume agreed as she put down her drink. "So me and Rayleigh were like super-drunk, and we were sitting in Shakky's Bar when-how can I say this? A combined hallucination came across us."

"It was as though Roger had come to us again."

* * *

 _"Want to go on another adventure?" The apparition spoke, grinning in that oh-so familiar way._

 _The two looked at each other._

 _"Yeah!" "Of course."_

* * *

"So we found ourselves on board the _Oro Jackson_ even though that ship was long gone from our sights, and we were sailing at a absolutely ridiculous pace. At the same time, we were busy catching up, with me telling Roger about the friendship between our grandson and his son, while Roger was busy discussing the wonders of Rouge and Rayleigh was yelling at Roger to mind the wheel." She giggled. "It was really just like old times, before Roger discovered One Piece."

"You seemed to miss him." Sengoku pointed out, seeking for another bag of tea.

"Oh I did, but it was more of what he represented than what he was. Luffy is better than him because he only fights when he defends others. Roger just picked fights with anyone who messes with his crew, even if that crew member was a spy for the Marines." Suzume sipped her tea. "Anyway, back to the story."

"We were already reaching the shore when I decided to act as the advance guard. I really didn't know what was wrong with me; I had been part of the Marines for over thirty years after all."

* * *

 _As Akainu's fist pierced through Ace's stomach, a head landed on the floor._

 _It was Blackbeard._

 _As many of the Whitebeard Pirates and Marines stared at the head in disbelief, a dark shadow slipped behind Akainu, pulling him off Ace and throwing him into the floor._

 _"Whoever messes with Roger, messes with us! Same goes for his son!" Suzume said calmly while flashing the Admirals a middle finger._

* * *

"I was so unbelievably rude!" Sengoku snorted; the memories of her rampage across the seas thirty years earlier crossing his mind. "I mean, I was raised properly, even if it were by nobles from the Goa Kingdom."

"It's not that hard to believe. After all, you had to convince Roger that you were a typical civilian so that we could spy on him."

"It was so fun spying, that I forgot myself." Suzume admitted, "Sometimes I still wonder if I had thought myself a true Marine. I was never a pirate though; I refuse to steal from others, or commit crimes other than when it was a case of life and death."

"A pity that most nobles don't act like you; otherwise we wouldn't have so many problems." Sengoku muttered, but Suzume, with the convenient use of Haki heard him. She hid her smile behind the long sleeves of her yukata.

* * *

 _"Are you willing to try your luck against my blade, Admiral Sakazuki?" She tilted her head to the side, as Ivankov and Trafalgar rushed towards Ace._

 _"Roger's spy-assassin. Have you turned your cloak again?" Akainu growled, "Have you no shame at all?"  
_

 _"Us turncloaks have our loyalties. Only to ourselves and no others." Suzume gave an eye-smile, the bottom half of her face covered by incense papers. "And I would deeply regret such a bright spark is extinguished so early."_

 _Trafalgar had managed to make his way through the stunned the crowd, heaving Luffy over his shoulder while Ivankov did the same with Ace. The Marines who tried to stop them were knocked down by Izo and the rest of the Whitebeard Pirates._

 _"Oyashashiburi! Do you wish to continue my fight with me!" Rayleigh grinned as he strode up to Kizaru. Meanwhile, Aokiji found his hands full with Vista and Marco._

 _"Did you miss me!" The_ Oro Jackson _landed on the execution platform, and pirates spilled out of it's deck. All at the scene froze as the Jolly Roger flew freely and boldly._

 _"Bwahahahahaha!" The smiling visage could have knocked Sengoku down with a feather._

 _"Oh my god."A marine screamed in the sudden silence, weapons dropped onto the floor, "It's Roger! The Pirate King is back to haunt us all!"_

* * *

"Of course, upon further inspection, it proved to be just a false alarm. We saw one of the projectors broadcasting an image." Sengoku groaned.

"Still, we weren't clear headed to see that it was a prerecorded image of Roger during his last days before capture. Both of us were so high on alcohol we could have reached Skypeia!" Suzume flapped her arms in a bad imitation of the wings its inhabitants bore.

"You utterly defeated Akainu—who I may add is _currently gunning for your head_ , Kizaru was reflected into Kamabakka Kingdom by Rayleigh— _Garp! Stop laughing!"_ The previously silent third party had long started snorting, but had erupted into laughter upon remembering the frantic call Borsalino had made upon being set upon by its inhabitants.

* * *

 _"I'm afraid I won't be able to come back for the next two months…Gah! I don't want…No!" There was a chorus of 'Come here, hottie~' that could be heard over the Den Den Mushi.  
_

 _"SendhelppleaseIcan't take this anymore!"_

* * *

"Bwahahahaha!" Garp continued to laugh irrespective of Sengoku's pleas.

"Well it's not our fault that his Pika-Pika no mi could be defeated with some household equipment. I mean, traveling at the speed of light? Hasn't anyone tried to use a mirror on him before?" Suzume chortled. She eyed Garp, who had not laughed since that incident.

Sengoku seemed to agree, his half-hearted pleas growing softer and softer. Eventually he stopped, and face palmed.

"It's been a disaster overall. We were unable to make Ace's execution the symbol of the Marine's power, and Whitebeard's words are going to spark a new generation of pirates." Sengoku shook his head.

"I tried to resign, but the higher-ups were like 'No no, you should be an instructor and so on.' "Garp told them, attempting to stifle his laughter. He grew more morose as he continued, "I went back to Dawn Island the other day. Dadan punched me in the face."

"You utterly deserve that." Suzume said indifferently.

* * *

 _"Urgh," Rayleigh groaned as he sat up. "What...just happened..."_

 _"I feel so stoned...Shakky, what did you give us last night." Suzume placed her arm over her face. "It's way...too bright..."_

 _"Have you seen what you did!" Shakky roared at them as she slapped Rayleigh on the shoulder. "I won't be surprised if the Marines come visiting again!"_

 _"They can't, I'm also a Marine!" Suzume growled out._

 _"Semantics." Shakky waved her hand in disgust. "You went on such a violent rampage I don't know how you plan to dig yourself out of this mess."_

 _Both of them froze._

 _"It wasn't a dream?"_

* * *

"We were utterly convinced it was a crazy dream. I mean, even the door was locked shut behind us with the key held by Shakky. There was no way we could have left the room! Then Shakky told us about how we were both deposited on her doorstep, and she locked us in so that she could interrogate us."

"Wait, if you were locked from the outside, how did you get out?"

"I dunno, maybe Roger's ghost took us out?" Suzume fingered her hair.

"That's impossible!" Sengoku said with shark teeth, "Ghosts do not exist!"

"I probably unlocked myself out. I dunno how I did it though...I was really too stoned to question everything like I was supposed to. It was a really good dream..." She laid her head on Garp's shoulder.

Sengoku sighed, rubbing his head. "I too have offered my resignation, but it would take time for the next Fleet Admiral to be chosen. I am nominating Aokiji for the position."

"Nah, Akainu would get it. He's popular with many of the World Government, they'll shoo him in." Garp noted angrily.

"Akainu huh? He practices 'Absolute Justice', the kind of justice I hate the most..." Suzume uttered sleepily. "Guess I will play another-"

"Don't you try to prank us all again!" Sengoku barked irritatedly, "The last time you went on a rampage, I couldn't stop the higher-ups from sending you to that blasted desert of a base!"

"It was worth it." She yawned. "I trained up such skillful Marines in swordsmanship, and found such a good protégé. Pity about the Devil Fruit though..."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You used to lace all your clothes with seastone in order to weaken the advantage Devil Fruit users have over you." Sengoku scratched his chin.

"Don't you find it freaking unfair how much stamina Devil Fruit users have?" Suzume roared at Sengoku. "I have to 'ven the odds somewhat."

"Coming back to that, we have to find out how the mechanism Blackbeard had was able to steal the powers of Devil Fruits from their deceased owners. It seemed that it had collected Whitebeard's Gura Gura no Mi, and would have been used by Blackbeard had you not decapitated him."

"Yeah, did it collect Ace's power too?" Garp questioned, brushing Suzume awake.

"It didn't actually, even when it had collected all the other powers of Devil Fruit users whom had died as well." Sengoku wondered. "It's too early to say, but the Mera Mera no Mi has also not been found."

"Of course it hadn't." Suzume's head lolled as she struggled to keep awake. "Ace is still alive after all. "

Sengoku's mind shut down. Garp had a more visceral reaction.

"What do you mean, _Ace is still alive!"_ He shook the woman awake, his fists curling up. "Tell me! I saw him die! _Don't you dare joke about this!"_

"Woah hang on, don't be so violent!" Suzume punched him in the shoulder. "He's under the care of Ivankov and the 'Surgeon of Death'. He's got like tons of injuries and probably won't wake up for some time. I'm only telling this to both of you because you're retiring and none of the Whitebeard pirates know-" She turned to the side, eyes alert.

Slowly, she stepped closer to the door, and wrapped her hand around a black snail.

* * *

"Shit!"

"Why are we chasing after a damned snail!"

"The Den Den No Mushi isn't supposed to be running! It's a _damned snail_ with _turbo engines_ for _heaven's sake_." The black Den Den No Mushi was currently fleeing for it's life, courtesy of the three angry humans chasing after it. One had even thrown a _cannon ball_ at it.

 _For freedom of information! For right to know! For life! For safety from these crazy creatures!_

It ran as fast as its non-existent legs could carry, only to be scooped up by the woman among the trio with a burst of _Soru._

 _Goodbye cruel world! Goodbye mounds of cabbage! Hello torture by throwing into the sea and being blasted apart and all other things that these crazy creatures could think of!  
_

"Now then, let's have a look at who you belong to!" She turned the frantic snail on it's side to see a curious mark on it's back.

" _Red-haired Shanks?"_

* * *

Ace woke up to bright light, which was funny as he 'cause he hadn't expected to wake up at all.

Swallowing down panic, he checked his surroundings, finding he was in some sort of infirmary, on a scratchy bed with green sheets. Numerous IVs were gathered all round him, the needles and tape pinching the skin of his forearms when he shifted them. He was surprisingly warm, dressed in some sort of hospital gown and underneath several blankets, but his exposed arms were freezing as cold antibiotics flowed through the intravascular tubes. Much less comfortably, there were shackles around his wrists, the chains disappearing underneath his bed.

He sees a man that he doesn't recognize at all, staring at the machines with his hands folded over his chest. Ace wants to ask who the hell the guy is, but he can't make a sound and he realizes that it's because there is a tube going down his throat. He can't move 'cause of the chains, and the machines must reflect his growing panic because they start making more noise as well. The man turns away from the machines and looks down at him as though he was an insect pinned to a piece of cardboard mounted on someone's wooden frame.

"While I'm glad that you are awake, Fire Fist," the man said, grunting a little. "I'd appreciate if you just keep still."

And Ace slowly stops moving, more due to the sudden pain blooming throughout his body. His discomfort must be showing, because the man asks, "Painful?"

Ace nods weakly, starting to sweat. The man nods, and reaches over a side table.

"That's what I expected. This should make that pain go away for a while." He says, holding up a bottle of clear fluid. With a practiced hand, he sticks the syringe's needle through the top of it, and pulls back the stopper until the syringe is filled. Setting the bottle down, he turns Ace's closest arm over and sticks the syringe in, pushing down the stopper until all of the chemicals are inside his body. Then he pulls it out, quickly and efficiently, and disposes of the needle.

"I was told by Ivankov that your treatment is finished." The man says as the edges of Ace's vision blurs and darkens. "You'll be put on bed rest for a while, but I'll see about removing the tubes then. Your brother is also alive-"Ace's instant relief at hearing of his brother's survival leaves him bereft of the strength of continuing to remain awake, and he falls asleep once again.

* * *

Ace expects Luffy to probably come in a storm of tears and relief. He's both right and wrong about that.

Sometime after midnight, the door is flung open and before Ace could focus properly, Luffy's on the bed and hugging him fiercer than anyone has held him before. Although there are tears streaming down his face and snot soaking the hospital gown Ace is wearing, Luffy looks impossibly happy, and Ace thinks that this may have been reflected in his face because he had really thought that he had died on that battlefield.

The door flings open _again_ and this time it is Marco, taking one look at Ace before enveloping the both of them in a bone-crushing hug, which Ace returns weakly, much to his disgust. He would need some time before he could get back into the life of a pirate again.

"I'm soww gurraaad!" Luffy bursts out. "I thot you were..." He continues to cry noisily, which must have awakened the whole building, because he could hear voices in the corridor. This time, Vista, Izo, Jozu and even Haruta come spilling out, cries of joy abound.

Marco finally pulls away, wiping his eyes. "You stupid..." Marco says, whatever resentment dulled by the tears still in his eyes. "If you weren't on bed rest then I'd beat the shit out of you. Were you even thinking?"

At his words, Ace groggily recalls why he's here. It had been on the edge of his mind, but now he remembers everything; Luffy unlocking his cuffs, Akainu talking shit about pops, and then going to attack Luffy, and-

And-

"How?" Ace asks, his voice creaking and his throat burning from the effort.

Marco snorts, and gestures at the door. Izo shuts it, before they pile onto the other beds in the infirmary. "Both Law and Ivankov kept you alive-just barely, mind you, and Law patched you up. Rayleigh and Granny Suzume put up one hell of a distraction while the rest of us were busy fleeing."

"The last thing I remember," Ace says slowly, his voice still creaking, "Was Luffy on the ground behind me. I couldn't-" how could he explain himself? He hadn't been one to run away when there were people for him to protect. But at the same time, it had nearly gotten _them_ all killed this time around.

"How do you feel, yoi?" Marco asks, and Ace takes a few seconds to see. His body feels heavy and he's still tired-so, so tired, but he can still wiggle his toes and fingers and he's still alive and breathing so he considers it's a win this time. The cuffs have been replaced with soft but strong cloth, so unlike his stay in Impel Down; the warmth burning in his chest that signals the presence of his Mera Mera no Mi is both comforting and a reminder that he's out of there.

"Like shit, but I'll live." Ace says honestly. "But I'll live."And just saying it out loud feels important. It strengthens his will to live. "But what happened afterwards?"

Marco sighs and reluctantly tells Ace everything that happened after Akainu hit him. He tells him about his little brother breaking down with Ace in his arms, and Ivankov just barely being able to keep him alive. Then about how the _Oro Jackson_ crashed back into everyone's memories, and how Roger's crew once again stole the show as Blackbeard's head was tossed right under Sengoku's nose. Ace seizes up in fear when he hears that Akainu had still managed to attack Luffy and had taken a hit even with Jinbei absorbing most of the blow.

"That Law did a good job on him. " Marco nodded towards Luffy, who's fallen asleep and Ace has to change position to accommodate Luffy on the same bed. Any joy that Ace got by Whitebeard putting Akainu through the ringer died when he hears Izo's and Jozu's jumbled account of his death.

"So that Akainu bastard did it?" He still can't believe that Whitebeard could have died; but he can tell that it's the truth from the look in all of the Whitebeard Commanders' eyes.

"Mixture of the blow that Akainu dealt as well as his own illness weakening him." Vista quietly spoke. Ace closes his eyes, willing for it to be untrue.

"The old man went out protecting his sons. I doubt that he would have wanted to go any other way Ace." Marco tells him bluntly and Ace nods because it's true. He can't really see his old man dying peacefully in a bed or something like that.

"So who killed Teach?" All of the commanders grinned in remembrance.

"'Turncloak' Yosuzume." Marco grins, "She apparently encountered him and after five minutes decided that decapitating him was the order of the day."

"Fueled by beer and hallucinations of Gol. D. Roger, both the first mate and second mate of the _Oro_ _Jackson_ landed onto Marineford, and struck fear into the hearts of the Marines. I think nearly half of the Marines there lost their shit when the _ghost of Roger_ asked if they missed him." Haruta joked. Ace frowns at the mention of his biological father. He doesn't know what to feel; the fact that Roger's crew helped save Luffy and him, or that they did it because he was Roger's son, rather than because of him.

"I think it was a visual Den Den No Mushi that created the actual projection. _Pirates Weekly_ wasn't clear on that." Izo commented. "Apparently both were truly stoned enough to confuse a projection for an apparition."

They fall into silence, gossip done.

Ace wanted to talk. He wanted to speak so badly, but the words were half-buried in his throat, struggling to get out.

He wanted to say _I'm sorry._

He wanted to say _I'll never let it happen again._

He wanted to say _Thank you._

And he wanted to say it again, and again, and again, until the message got across: _Thank you for loving me._

But he couldn't say any of that; his mouth refused to open.

* * *

"Where are we?" Ace asks the next day after all of his brothers had returned to their room and Luffy wakes up.

"Amazon Lily. Hammock's letting us stay until we get better." Luffy says with a wide smile. "Jinbei's here too! He says that no one would know where to look for us, since she's a Warlord."

"Jinbei? He's here too?" Ace asks before catching onto the other thing that Luffy said. "Wait! You mean Boa Hancock?" He barely remembers anything but a tall woman looking at him as though he were the scum of the earth by virtue of his gender, rather than the usual things that people despise pirates for.

Luffy laughs. "She's kinda weird but really cool too!" he says with a laugh, and Ace just smiles. His brother had always the way of winning those who fought against him to his side, and he was really surprised that it could even extend to people like Warlords as well.

The conversation continues for hours as the two of them just bask in each other's presence. It's the kind of conversation that Ace wished they had in Alabasta if not due to lack of time, but Ace is glad that it exists at all. From what he remembered, Luffy's loyalty to his crew is equally reciprocated by all of them, and Ace appreciates that. His baby brother has to grow up after all.

"I told everyone to meet after two years." His brother suddenly says, startling him.

"Why? Ace asks.

"Because I'm too weak Ace. I can't do anything." His brother deftly explains the events of Thriller Bark, and his shoulders start to shake. Ace wishes to comfort him but restrains himself as he knows how important this is for Luffy. "I couldn't do anything against Kizaru and Kuma in Sabody and I couldn't have gotten through Impel down without Hammock and Bon-chan and Iva-chan there to help." Luffy's shoulders start to shake even more. "I couldn't even save you properly or protect my crew-and I want to be Pirate King!"

Ace watches Luffy with careful eyes. He knows that Luffy needs this, defeat being as important a teacher as strength. He can't help but feel that he should beat up anyone who had put these feelings into Luffy's heart; he was supposed to be cheerful and light-hearted, not drowning in those that he had lost.

But he also knows that this sort of pain isn't entirely bad, and that Luffy should and could bounce back from these challengers. Ace knows Luffy could overcome any obstacles that he put his mind to, so instead of comforting, he asks, "What did Jinbei say?"

"Jinbei just said a lot of things that I didn't like and I tried to punch him." Luffy wrinkles his nose in a strange reminder of his childhood self after he had lost a fight, "Jinbei's pretty strong, so I lost, than he reminded me-"

"Reminded you what?"

"-of everything that I still had to fight for." Luffy says, smile coming back. "Nami, Zoro, Usopp, Chopper, Franky, Robin, Sanji and Brook." He says, "I want to get stronger and so will my nakama. We wouldn't let that happen again." Luffy says with determination, because that's the way his brother rolls.

Ace knows he will do it.

So he just chuckles and ruffles Luffy's hair.

Rayleigh shows up a few days later. Granny Suzume follows him, as part of her duties to observe the Roger Pirates having suitably included him.

It is then when Ace and some of the Whitebeard Pirates see her for the first time when she is not dressed as Yosuzume, the spy-assassin of the Roger Pirates.

Ace felt his jaw drop as Suzume courteously puts food into her mouth at nearly the same obsessive rate that Luffy gobbles his meat. Rayleigh merely hides a sigh, amusement showing clearly in his eyes.

"I see your grandson has inherited your bad habits." He nods towards Ace in polite acknowledgement. Ace returns the nod, nervous about the whole business of his father's crew. He hears enough from the island's elder about how Rayleigh had rescued her; and Garp must have seen something in him when he had agreed to raise Ace as his own.

His worldview had shifted abruptly with his own attempted execution. He does not know what to feel about it; having a biological father that inspires an obsessive loyalty he had seen between Pops and himself in his surviving crew has made him wonder if the legacy his father had left truly as terrible as most claim.

Than, he reflects on what Rayleigh has said, and recalls just where he had seen Granny Suzume before. On a very traditional wedding picture. His jaw drops again.

 _" **Garp** was **married** to you?"_

A/N: Reviews please!


	2. Chapter 2

"Ne ne, Issho-kun~" The teacher from hell says with all the guile that leads one to suspect there's probably going to be an onslaught of chaos and mass mayhem, "Let's have meat and sake and..."

"I thought it was supposed to be in commemoration of my promotion, not yours." Issho can't help but guffaw. "And I thought you disliked the fact that I was forcibly conscripted by Akainu." Suzume frowned, pursing up her lip.

"'If you can't get rid of the fire, make a bonfire out of it' a wise man once said-"

"Such a phrase does not exist-"

"Arara, why don't we make a bet out of it," and there is probably such a glint in his sensei's eye and he really can't bother to keep her in check.

"Head or tails?" He retrieves a coin from his back pocket. It's all cold and metallic, and he can feel the imprint of the Tenryuubito on it's head.

"Heads." He tosses the coin, and using the force he had applied to calculate its approximate trajectory, slams it on his palm.

"No fair!" His instructor groans as he uncovers it. "I know it exists." He raps his knuckle on his teacher's head, provoking an _Itai_ as she tosses it off and he can hear the scratching of skin against hair as his teacher rubs the bump on him.

"At least you've got the height for it." She says as she launches herself up in the air such that her head lies along the same height as his, even if her feet were hovering off the ground.

"Pft," A giggle escapes him, "You are just short, no question about it-"

"Admiral Issho!" The voice comes from somewhere behind him, and he turns to face the speaker.

"Former Fleet Admiral!" He can hear his teacher blow a raspberry.

"Sengoku-teme, how is retirement?" Most Marines would pronounce the now Inspector-General's name with respect, even if they disliked him. His teacher is not most people.

"Again with the name-calling, Suzume-baka!"

"Afro-head!"

"Nude maniac!" An idiot is the worst combatant to encounter, because he would bring you down to his level and beat you with experience. Instructor Suzume uses this in more than one confrontation, and Inspector General Sengoku is well aware that his intelligence is being lowered as he continues to speak with Garp's ex-wife.

"Bwahahaha!" Garp continues to laugh, unwilling to participate in the onslaught of insults that Suzume and Sengoku are engaged in. "Fujitora~ Why don't we head over to a bar while these two continue their fight?" Issho looks like he's willing to agree, but Sengoku wraps up his arguement by calling Suzume certain things that probably aren't fit to be written on paper and drags her over.

"We can go to that teahouse and discuss over some sake." And if Suzume is giving him an evil stare, he won't countenance the fact that he's being pushy about it.

After all, he's retired. There's no longer any shame in being dressed in a Hawaiian t-shirt and calling his fellow Marine all the names he won't use when he was Fleet Admiral.

* * *

"So Akainu had his face like a chipmunk, and he was like -'Instructor Suzume! Have you no shame!' And I was like 'Yeah, so what? You can't put a bounty on me visiting your new base anyway, so beat it!'" Suzume has no gall in saying so.

"Some day, he's going to blow a fuse, and it would be so funny to see the fall out." Garp laughs with his fellow retiree. "Anyway, did you see what my grandson did at Dressarosa?"

"How can I forget?" Issho says dryly, "I was there after all. He must be a kind boy."

"I don't know about that! He was like proclaiming that he was going to be a pirate, and that shitty red-head only made things even worse by saying things like 'Meet him once he's become a great pirate!'" Garp says, but he agrees with Issho because not many would become friends with Ace, let alone become brothers. Ace brings along emotional baggage that outstrips his son by a mile; even without his heritage Ace was not a person to easily befriend.

"I had also fought with the Chief of Staff of the Revolutionary Army." Issho comments, "He was a strong fighter, even without the help of Portgas D. Ace. Both of them were brothers?"

"Both of them were brothers?" Garp said in shock, "But that's not possible. Ace and Luffy and..." he paused, before bursting into laughter once again.

"Did I say something?" Issho wonders, but Garp is honestly too thrilled to care, because really? All his grandsons were alive, what's not to be happy about? He had mourned the blonde young noble when he received news of his death, but to be alive? That makes him so damned relieved.

"Sabo! It has to be." Sengoku stares at him.

"The Chief of Staff is also your grandson's brother?" But Garp was already snoring away, much to Sengoku's eternal disgust.

"Yup! A son of Roger, and the second-in-command of the Revolutionaries. My grandson's going to be so strong!" Suzume sings, "He's really good at making friends and allies out of people!"

"So Straw Hat is this kind of person, huh..." Issho comments, his lips pursed in thought. "What kind of face do you have? How do you treat those around you, to garner such friends, Straw Hat?" he thinks, as he hears the voices of proud grandparents.

When he returns to the conversation, they had already moved on to the events in Dressarosa proper.

"Issho, I did hear you thank Straw Hat after the battle?" Issho feels his cheeks turn red in embarrassment. He really didn't hear Sengoku coming up behind him, having been too focused on making sure that the rubble he had unleashed on the enemy ships didn't fall on allies. It's still inexplicable how Straw Hat had became a somewhat ally, despite the violence that had been unleashed on the two of the seven warlords of the sea and the beating the Marine's reputation had endured.

"Come on, Sengoku-teme, you can't exactly wrong him for that. The Marines were already placed in a terrible position by allowing the Shichibukai to create havoc on Dressarosa right? You can't exactly have the same situation you have in Alabasta by promoting Issho-kun, so we have to think of what we can do to resolve it."

"You should have apologised to Akainu; he will try to bring a court-martial on you." Sengoku warns.

"I still have my pride." Issho retorts. "We have rightfully lost the credibility and trust that the people have in us, therefore we have to make amends for it."

"However, your actions have also led to the Marines being less trustworthy than before. Now, members of the World Government would be unwilling to allow the Marines to handle their civil wars, and would instead turn to mercernaries and pirates" he spat out the word, "Breeding further distrust in the militia, even if they weren't Marines."

"I don't know about that, Sengoku," Suzume replied, "Many civil wars have been stopped due to the lack of arms coming from Doflamingo's distribution networks. Furthermore, the production of drugs through illegal channels have proved to be the downfall of many countries. By annihilating the Doflamingo family, Luffy's and Issho's actions may have been more beneficial for the welfare of individual members of the World Government after all.

"How has it become so serious?" Garp asks, "Wasn't this supposed to be a peaceful party." The other three unanimously ignored him.

"Even if you hadn't bring Luffy and Law into custody, you could have at least arrested the other members of the Straw Hat Grand Fleet!"

"That would have been impossible to do so, Inspector General Sengoku, seeing that the civilians were also heading towards the ships, and it would have been difficult to limit the casualties to members of the Straw Hat fleet alone!"

"You very well know that you have the authority to call the civilians back as a top member of the Marine Force. Even I could hear that the civilians were using themselves as shields to prevent us from arresting the Straw Hat."

"Are you saying that we should prioritise the lives of innocents just because the Marine's reputation carries more weight?"

"Zzz." Both stopped to turn towards Garp. The retired vice-admiral was-

"I can't believe this." Suzume poked Garp, scrunching up her nose, "How oblivious can you get?"

"If he hadn't shown this kind of behaviour since we were both fresh recruits, I would have attributed it to old age." Sengoku frowned, "Some reports mention that his grandson shows similar behaviour."

"Typical! He's just so blind to whatever shit that happens in his face." Suzume curses as she took out a black marker. "I mean, how much things can he do to make people hate him?"

"If Roger hadn't faced him so many times without winning, his eccentricities would have gotten him kicked out of the Marines."

"Wait a minute." Issho asked in startled disbelief, "Weren't you arguing?"

The two glanced at each other.

"Of course. We argue whenever we meet." Suzume answers tartly.

"If you weren't so stubborn, we probably would get along on better terms." Sengoku answered rudely, as he inspected the marker that Suzume took out.

"Do you think it would wash off?"

"After one or two washes, yeah. I'm shaming, not tattooing."

"Go for it." Suzume draws a mockery of Luffy's flag, before subsequently adding in a monocle and a bad imitation of Dragon the Revolutionary's facial markings, slitting Garp's eyes.

"Your artwork is horrible." Sengoku moans, as he adds his own addition of some reports from last Thursday's meetings, along with a seagull tattoo. Garp lets off a few snorts, before slowly stirring.

* * *

 _"Has he no shame?!"_ Sengoku hisses after receiving the month's _Pirates Weekly_ that had been collected by Cipher Police. The main headline was broadcasting the terror of some of the Buggy Pirates upon encountering Garp. Besides the water resistant facial markings, Garp was sporting a handlebar mustache and some of the most eye-catching (neon pink! With lime green streaks) uniforms that Sengoku was ever unfortunate to clap his eyes upon.

"He absolutely can't be embarrassed at all." Bogard moans, as some of those formerly serving under Garp chuckled as they pinned the picture of their former commander horrifying some no-name pirates with his terrible fashion sense.

"Where did he get that tutu?" Sakazuki felt the need to slam his head against the table repeatedly. It had bright gold stars with seagull emblems for heaven's sake. What fully grown adult had the gall to wear such terrible material? And who designed such horrible attire in the first place, mocking the symbol of the marines?

"Shishishishi!" Luffy giggled as the cover page of Pirates Weekly was proudly framed and placed on the cabin wall. "I think Gramps really likes his birthday present. Mind you though, none of the crew members were willing to even countenance the thought of having that picture on the wall, which speaks volumes about how they thought about Luffy's well-intentioned gift.

"..." Dragon continued to inspect the cover picture critically. Ivankov cheerfully noted that while the level of Dragon's brooding had increased by 38%, the level of emotion he had portrayed (Currently of disgust and awe) had increased by a whopping 78%.

Meanwhile, the paper was slammed inside the drawer of one Captain Buggy, never to be seen in daylight ever again. Not only was the 'disguise' poor, it was such an eye-sore that Buggy's subordinates had to flee from it in broad daylight.

Throughout the world, _Pirates Weekly_ sold it's best selling copy of the year, and in terms of rankings, it was only third to the copy detailing Roger's execution and life; as well as the details of the Eleven Supernovas. Coincidentally, several copies were secreted to Marineford and the Marine's new base as 'entertainment material'

"Bwahaha! I think my birthday was a roaring success." Entirely ignorant of the controversy his outfit had ignited, Garp proceeded to plan his next outfit. Maybe he could use one of Ace's birthday present, an extremely frilly tunic with the Marine colour tie-dyed onto the cuffs? Combined with the lovely tie of tangy orange sent by Roger (meant as a gag gift)? Oh, and he should re-use Luffy's tutu for his sixty-seventh birthday? Ah, decisions, decisions.

A/N: I hinted to a hilarious story that I read earlier. See if you can spot it!


End file.
